Girls are weak. I don’t believe it, but I’ve been living with this belief.

I have no voice.

I grew up in a city with a high rape rate. When I was a kid, I had to wear a dress to school. I had to be home before dinner while my brother was out all night. No matter how hard I tried, my voice was never heard. Girls are seen less than boys.

I see myself less. 

As I grew up, being a girl became more complicated especially in finding a partner. It is not about finding love. I was looking for someone I could look up to. I was looking for someone who had more experience than me. I was looking for someone who was stronger than me. It seems like I have to be less to date someone.

I don’t give myself a chance.

After getting over several breakups and having my dad passed away, I realized I always gave away my power over finances to men around me. As my dad built the family budget, I let my brother handle my rent and other bills when I moved to Canada. Later on, I let men who I was in a relationship with do the bills. When there was a money problem, I blamed these men. I knew I could take control of the situation, but I never did. I never gave myself a chance.

Learn how to love

Girls are weak, but I have the power to change it. I don’t feel less when I wear dresses anymore, but somehow I still feel oppressed from being a woman. I find it is easier to follow the society where I clean, cook and serve, and let my boyfriend budget, plan, and lead. To do all of them at the same time is hard, and being in a relationship makes it ten times more challenging.

I have been living as a girl for my whole life, but I feel this is a new journey to me. Instead of comparing myself to boys or other girls to be a powerful woman, or being angry or ignorant to find comfort, I have to learn to speak up, listen, and understand others. At the end, everyone – men, women and other gender out there – wants to be heard, to be seen, and to feel loved.