I have an unrealistic dream, to smile everyday. This can be tricky especially when someone wrongs me. I tried the “just let it go” mantra for a while but the more I did it, the smaller I felt. I ended up feeling powerless and insecure. Or when things happen out of control in my personal life, but I still need to go to work because I have bills to pay. I can’t understand my own emotions in these situations, but my colleagues have been the best support, helping me get through some of the toughest moments in my life.

Take a deep breath

When you’re feeling emotional, take a deep breath. But how do you do a deep breath? Breathing is easy or else you won’t be reading this now. Taking control of your breath needs some practice. Taking a deep breath when you are feeling emotional is hard.

I was lucky that my parents made me take a Chinese breathing course when I was in middle school. It was like a meditation class. But no teenager takes a class their parents sign them up for seriously. That was me. Last year, I went through a big move and a bad breakup. I needed to take control of my breathing. I discovered Headspace. Such a great app, but I only tried the 7 days trial because I was a student. Now I use Smiling Mind. It’s free. This app really helps me to get control of my breathing.

Write your emotions

I write my emotions down when a colleague upsets me or when I want to talk to my manager when I’m having a hard situation in my personal life. This helps me have a structure of what I want to say.

Write a problem statement

I usually start with a problem statement and how that problem affects my career, my growth, or simply my feelings.

Come up with a solution

There is always a solution in a problem. It’s important to propose a solution and give constructive feedback when someone upsets you, but remember that everyone can have their own way to solve it. Be open minded with your own solution. Be ready to compromise.

Ask for help

Sometimes you know the problem, but I have no idea how to solve it. People change, people get sick, people die. Sometimes I have no control of these situations. Sometimes the solution is simply to be understood and for others to empathize with me. Sometimes that’s all I need.

Book a private meeting

Emotions are private. Such conversations should be private too unless it’s a recognition of someone’s achievement. Then it’s a celebration!

Talk to your manager

If the person who upsets you still hurts your career, growth, or feelings, you might want to bring that up to your manager. A good manager will give you a way out. Or at least, give you comfort. If not, it might be helpful to ask yourself, what makes you want to stay at your job.

Let it go

Sometimes things just can’t be changed. You just have to let go. But remember, every effort counts – one thing a person shouldn’t let go of is positive emotions. I’m practicing giving my colleagues recognitions and to let them know that I’m happy to have them as my colleagues. I simply give them a sticky note saying “you’re amazing” when I’m too shy to say it out loud. I don’t know why I feel shy to say that I appreciate them. I know I need more practice. Surprisingly, appreciating can be harder than critiquing.

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything” – Mark Twain