Facing a discomfort: Change it or accept it

It is not enough. I have to do more. I have to be better. So I will be happy.

I am not enough.

I was afraid of being judged. I was uncomfortable with myself.

When we are not comfortable with ourselves, it will be hard to live comfortably. It is important to feel enough even in our careers. Two choices to face a discomfort: change it or accept it.

Changing

Being a graphic design is not always fun. Negative comments make me insecure.

“Why do you do it that way?”
“This looks unprofessional.”
“The colour looks like vomit.”

I told myself that graphic design was not for me. I asked to my manager to give some projects in writings. She gave me one. I was excited but disappointed at the same time. I was excited because she gave me the opportunity to try new things, but I was disappointed because I felt that the project was a burden. I went back to my desk. I opened a new word file. I didn’t know how to start. I did some research about the project. I wrote some paragraphs. I took me a long time to finish the project. On top of that, I had a high anxiety when I worked on that project. It stressed me out. When I showed it to my colleagues to review it, they said it was good, but I hated it. I couldn’t even read it.

I was glad that my manager only gave me one. I wasn’t comfortable because I maybe wasn’t familiar with the topic, or I didn’t enjoy writing as a career. So I told myself,

“Never mind, Jessie. You like graphic design. It is for you.”

Accepting

There are so many expectations to be a graphic design in corporates. So many rules. So many styles. My supervisor’s design always looks professional. I’ve been trying my best to meet his standard.

I found my style until I received a project for an internal event. I thought,

“I can do whatever I want because it’s only an internal project. No one will care.”

I made a comic. I had so much fun doing that project. My colleague really liked it, so she told me to make more cute little blobs for her. My team started noticing my style.

I still respect highly my supervisor’s style. He has taught me a lot of tricks in designing corporate looks. However, while improving professional clean look design, I am now confident with my style. My team recognizes my style and trusts me in their products with the design I am comfortable with. When I receive negative comments to my design, I don’t feel insecure with my style because I know that drawing little blobs makes me happy.

While life begins at the end of your comfort zone, life is too short to be uncomfortable.

I found my comfort zone when I stepped out from it. I tried writing. I will maybe like writing when I give it another chance. There are many career options I can choose. However, if I didn’t try, I wouldn’t appreciate my career as a graphic design as I am now.